So it really wasn’t that much of a surprise really. I had been mentally prepared for this day and to tell the truth took it much better then my manager who delivered the blow. At the end of the big reveal all I did really was quote back what has become the company’s de facto corporate creed – “It Is What It Is.” Now my final days amount to what can be described as paid administrative leave where I wrap up my job related tasks from the comfort of home.

Times like these they say to look at the bright side. Truth is there’s tons of stuff on that side too.

1. Since it all went down on the 1^st of the month I hadn’t purchased my monthly commuter pass. Man, it would have sucked if the hammer had come down on the 2^nd. What a difference a day makes!

2. I can cook dinner! Ok, I haven’t yet but I can and will.

3. I no longer have to rush three wee ones in the morning, drive like I’m trying to make the field for Sunday’s NASCAR Race, all for the sake of catching the right train. Though I pride myself as an excellent driver there are less scared people on the road now. Flip side is I’m sure the guy behind me wishes I’d go at least a little faster.

4. I get to enjoy my kids! Gone for now is reality that when they saw me after school it meant bedtime was about an hour away. Think about it. Last month the weekdays meant I got something like 4 hours to interact with them. If you don’t know I have three between 6yrs and 18mos. Of the four hours nearly two involved mornings rushing them to get up, dressed, fed, and out the door to the car for school/daycare or evenings getting them fed, changed, and ready for bed. 45 minutes was used to focus on the road. Not much play time at all.

5. If we spot something during the ride to school/daycare of interest we actually can stop and really have a look. Thus far it’s been firetrucks, police cars, and thoroughbred horses training.

6. I can clean up around the house!! (See #2 for details on this)

7. Here’s a big one – I’m. Not. Tired. Heck, I’m even getting more done!

Last but hardly least…

8. I have gotten awesome support and encouragement from friends and family.

Sure, I’ll need to work again. Even if my numbers hit (4 8 15 16 23 42) I’ll likely be one of several thousands waiting in line to collect their share of the jackpot. I’m not spending all my time basking in the glow of the Bright Side and have dusted off the mechanisms of finding employment. I also know I’ll look back at these between employment days/month with longing so why now make the most of them now. So if you’ll excuse me, I’ve been asked to pick my piece for Candy Land.

Oh, and if you can hold off playing my numbers for a few months, just in case, that would be great too.  Thanks.

It doesn’t happen often. When it does I find myself asking questions that usually start with a single ‘Why?’ that quickly turns into a virtual flash flood of them and today it happened. I rushed from my office exactly when my part of the client coverage schedule ended to the train station just in time to watch it pull away.

Trains don’t take off down the track like NHRA cars. It would be incredibly awesome if they did and just might increase ridership.  Nope.  They pull away from the platform at a tantalizingly slow crawl.  So slow it’s almost a whisper, “Come on.  Run.  You’ll be able to make it.”  Of course doing so is frowned upon and likely one of the reasons the train doors are closed prior to departure.

So there I stood at the end of platform 13, watching the train leave and that first ‘Why?’ crept into my thoughts.  Why didn’t I run?  No, not to try jumping aboard but to get there just a little sooner.  If not a full out run why didn’t I at least rush from my office building to the train station?  Then the flood gates opened and let loose a torrent. My mind went through all the little things that took next to no time at all to do but combined led me to this very moment – not on the train.

Why didn’t I close some programs when I was done with them before shutting down my laptops (yes I use more than one at work)?  Why did I wait for the shutdown to finish before unlocking their security cables?  Why hadn’t I stowed my travel mug when I had finished my eye opening coffee at 10:30?  Why was my iPhone USB charging cord still attached when a) the phone was fully charged and b) not even connected?  All these and many more ‘Why?’s sped through my mind in just a few seconds.  Of them all the only one I had a real answer for was the first because it was the easiest.

Why didn’t I run or rush from my office?  Mind you I was rushing all along to get out of the office and once free of the building itself more than considered not a full out sprint but a measured jog to the station.  I’ve done it before.  I’m sure I could do it again.  I’m positive I could have done it now.  The answer is, well, I’ve got a bum knee paired with a damaged arch and while capable of running the end result would have been one of two scenarios.  I could have run and perhaps made it (remember at the time I had no idea I’d end up watching the train pull away) but would suffer greatly for my actions later that evening and likely for the next 2-3 days for a reward of getting home 20-30 minutes sooner.  The other outcome would be missing the train and left with only the pain ahead.

As for the rest I didn’t have an answer because any one of them I could have and should have seen to sooner or done just a bit differently.  And that’s just it.  It’s the little, seemingly innocuous things that put us in situations we could easily have avoided.  Though we all can look back and point out that one light we missed that made us late it wasn’t the light at all but the things we failed to do in a timely fashion before hitting the road.  It’s those little things in life which we do have control over yet let take control of us.  So, going forward I’ll try harder to see to the little things and so doing won’t find myself standing at the end of the platform watching life’s train slowly pull away.

Looks like they’re announcing my next train.  Since I’m comfortably already here I can relax, walk calmly through Gate B, and really take in the world that surrounds me. Hey, what do you know,  it’s on a different platform too.  Maybe that’s a good sign.

– Orion